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Sometimes, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles is convinced he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his grandiose moments can become “detached from reality”, he explains. You’re riding high and you think, ‘People will see that I’m better than them … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

For Spring, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are often succeeded by a “emotional downturn”, a period when he feels deeply emotional and self-conscious about his conduct, making him especially susceptible to disapproval from those around him. He first suspected he might have NPD after investigating his behaviors online – and subsequently evaluated by a clinician. Yet, he questions he would have agreed with the assessment unless he had previously arrived at that realization personally. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – most notably if they harbor feelings of superiority. They operate in an altered state that they made for themselves. And within that framework, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying The Condition

Though people have been labelled as narcissists for decades, definitions vary what is meant by the label. It’s common to label everybody a narcissist,” explains a psychology professor, who believes the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he suggests many people keep it private, because of so much stigma linked to the disorder. A narcissist will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “impaired compassion”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to bolster one’s self-esteem through actions such as displaying material goods,” the professor says. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Sex-Based Distinctions in NPD Presentation

Though up to 75% of people identified as having the condition are men, research suggests this number does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that narcissism in women is frequently manifests in the less obvious variety, which is often overlooked. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be more socially permissible, similar to everything in society,” notes a 23-year-old who discusses her dual diagnosis on social media. It is not uncommon, the two disorders appear together.

Personal Struggles

It’s hard for me with handling criticism and not being accepted,” she says, whenever it’s suggested that I am at fault, I either go into defence mode or I become unresponsive.” Even with this behavior – which is sometimes referred to as “self-esteem damage”, she has been trying to overcome it and listen to guidance from her close relationships, as she doesn’t want to slip into the negative conduct of her previous life. My past relationships were toxic to my partners as a teenager,” she reveals. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to manage her condition better, and she says she and her partner “operate with an understanding where we’ve agreed, ‘If I say something messed up, when I use toxic language, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mainly in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have positive role models as a child. It’s been a process of understanding continuously which behaviors are suitable or harmful to say when arguing because it wasn’t modeled for me growing up,” she comments. There were no boundaries when my household were insulting me during my childhood.”

Origins of The Condition

Personality disorders tend to be connected with difficulties as a child. Heredity is a factor,” explains an expert in personality disorders. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “tied to that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he adds, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting certain expectations. They then “rely on those familiar tactics as adults”.

Similar to other of the NPD-diagnosed people, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The adult says when he was a child, “their needs came first and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve academic success and life achievements, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “worthy.

In adulthood, none of his relationships were successful. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he says. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t loving someone, until he met his present significant other of three years, who is also dealing with a personality disorder, so, similar to his experience, struggles with feelings. She is “very supportive of the internal struggles in my head”, he explains – it was surprisingly, she who originally considered he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

Following an appointment to his doctor, he was directed to a mental health professional for an assessment and was informed of his condition. He has been referred for talking therapy on the public health system (extended treatment is the main intervention that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the waiting list for 18 months: The estimate was it is likely to occur maybe February or March next year.”

He has shared with a few individuals about his condition, because “negative perceptions are widespread that every person with NPD is harmful”, but, privately, he has come to terms with it. This understanding allows me to understand myself better, which is positive,” he comments. Those interviewed have acknowledged their condition and are seeking help for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the diagnosis. But the growth of NPD content creators and the expansion of online support communities suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number